DAY 27 (Stop obsessing)

I love this

I will post some photos I took today later on but for now this is what’s swimming around in my brain!!

ARE WE ALL CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR APPROVAL?

On returning from my walk this morning, I switched on the PC went directly to my emails to see if I had any comments, then to my dashboard to see how many views I had on my blog.

Am I obsessed?
Is this normal?
Does it really matter?

As the youngest of 4 siblings I suppose I was always vying for attention, I was the one they said would end up on the stage! I didn’t,  but I was alway seeking attention, always the chatty one, telling jokes and drawing attention to myself.

Then in primary school and into secondary I found myself the victim of bullying because I looked different, I had a distinctive Asian look about me.  I was convinced that I had been adopted as I bore very little resemblance to the rest of the family. As a result, I found in school I would tag on to the different groups of kids, the popular ones, the geeky ones, the athletic ones, and the odd ones.  I would go to school in the morning never really sure who would be my friends that day.  I was a friend to all, I adapted and fitted in, but was I true to myself?Most definitely not.  I wanted to please everyone, I wanted everyone to like me.  I was fickle. (not a nice quality to have.)

I can vividly remember how I would walk in a different way if I saw one of my parents friends or acquaintances and would never be seen without a smile. I could not afford for one of them to tell my parents they’d seen me slouching! Once I was caught unawares and a neighbour told Mum that they’d overheard me ‘Swearing like a Trouper’. Oh the shame!!

I recently had a temporary job and was then fortunate to be given a permanent position. That wasn’t enough though,  I had to then prove that I was good enough by getting a promotion to the next rung, which I achieved in a very short space of time and was initially very proud.  I soon realised that wasn’t what I truly wanted, why had I put that pressure on myself? Was it to impress? Was it so others would approve of what I had accomplished?  I didn’t know but I had obviously done it all  for the wrong reasons. I became totally disenchanted and quit!

Now, just in my 50’s I find I know who I am, I like the person I am.  I know who I like, who I get on with and more importantly who likes me for who I am.

But do I still strive for approval?

When I started this blog it was to set myself a trial to see if I could do this for a year, I was rapidly aware of how flattered I was if I received a complimentary comment, and was in danger of going down the ‘approval’ route. However, I can honestly say that I am doing this for ME. It’s my trial and if along the way someone likes and appreciates what I do then all the better. I now know that I cannot please everybody and that doesn’t matter.

If there’s one thing I wish my Mum had taught me when I was younger it would have been:

NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE ME! 

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6 thoughts on “DAY 27 (Stop obsessing)

  1. I’ve been blogging for 2 years now. I’ve learned that I can’t afford the time to blog every day anymore, not everyone liked my blog, and the stats can be addictive if you let them!

    • Yes I’m sure you’re right, I’m actually surprised by how long it takes to write, check, re-write. It’s perfect for me at the moment…who knows how I’ll feel in the next 6 months let alone 2 years.

  2. Good for you! It takes a while to learn this lesson, but it’s very important that we all do, so we can quit trying to be like everyone else and enjoy being the wonderful folks we are.

    Keep up the good work! 🙂

  3. We have a saying down here that I bet translates to another thing down there..it goes: “I am not a coin of gold to be liked by everyone”. At the end the only ones we have, must of the time, is our own family and the image you see when you look at the mirror. More than that, one would be very lucky!
    That photograph is gorgeous!, by the way… 🙂

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