I will post some photos I took today later on but for now this is what’s swimming around in my brain!!
ARE WE ALL CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR APPROVAL?
On returning from my walk this morning, I switched on the PC went directly to my emails to see if I had any comments, then to my dashboard to see how many views I had on my blog.
Am I obsessed?
Is this normal?
Does it really matter?
As the youngest of 4 siblings I suppose I was always vying for attention, I was the one they said would end up on the stage! I didn’t, but I was alway seeking attention, always the chatty one, telling jokes and drawing attention to myself.
Then in primary school and into secondary I found myself the victim of bullying because I looked different, I had a distinctive Asian look about me. I was convinced that I had been adopted as I bore very little resemblance to the rest of the family. As a result, I found in school I would tag on to the different groups of kids, the popular ones, the geeky ones, the athletic ones, and the odd ones. I would go to school in the morning never really sure who would be my friends that day. I was a friend to all, I adapted and fitted in, but was I true to myself?Most definitely not. I wanted to please everyone, I wanted everyone to like me. I was fickle. (not a nice quality to have.)
I can vividly remember how I would walk in a different way if I saw one of my parents friends or acquaintances and would never be seen without a smile. I could not afford for one of them to tell my parents they’d seen me slouching! Once I was caught unawares and a neighbour told Mum that they’d overheard me ‘Swearing like a Trouper’. Oh the shame!!
I recently had a temporary job and was then fortunate to be given a permanent position. That wasn’t enough though, I had to then prove that I was good enough by getting a promotion to the next rung, which I achieved in a very short space of time and was initially very proud. I soon realised that wasn’t what I truly wanted, why had I put that pressure on myself? Was it to impress? Was it so others would approve of what I had accomplished? I didn’t know but I had obviously done it all for the wrong reasons. I became totally disenchanted and quit!
Now, just in my 50’s I find I know who I am, I like the person I am. I know who I like, who I get on with and more importantly who likes me for who I am.
But do I still strive for approval?
When I started this blog it was to set myself a trial to see if I could do this for a year, I was rapidly aware of how flattered I was if I received a complimentary comment, and was in danger of going down the ‘approval’ route. However, I can honestly say that I am doing this for ME. It’s my trial and if along the way someone likes and appreciates what I do then all the better. I now know that I cannot please everybody and that doesn’t matter.
If there’s one thing I wish my Mum had taught me when I was younger it would have been:
NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE ME!